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Lenny's Podcast / episode intelligence

Scripts for difficult conversations: Giving hard feedback, navigating defensiveness, the three questions you should end every meeting with, more | Alisa Cohn (executive coach)

5 Jan 2025 18 published claims 2 attributable people
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Speakers in the public record

Alisa CohnLenny Rachitsky

Claim mix

recommendation 5belief 5preference 3prediction 2uncertainty 1commitment 1evaluation 1

Evidence policy

Every row below preserves an exact excerpt. Identified speakers are linked; unresolved voices are labeled and excluded from people counts.

Claim ledger

The useful parts, with receipts.

18 published records

01 / recommendation

Recommends Radical Candor. Recommends Working Backwards. Recommends Amazon's Management Science. Recommends Walt Disney.

“So we already talked about Kim Scott, the wonderful, amazing Kim Scott and her book, Radical Candor, is one I recommend a lot to people. It's fantastic. Working Backwards by gosh, Colin Bryar and Bill something, is about sort of the Amazon way of working backwards from the customer. Super geeky and tactical. I love it. I slurp it up like Harry Potter. It's so good. And I definitely recommend to my clients about Amazon's Management Science. And the third is Walt Disney by Neil Gabler because it really shows how Walt Disney, sort of it's everything about his youth and how he turned into a very bad entrepreneur and ultimately into a fantastic inventive entrepreneur. And it shows all the origins of how he invented these different pieces that now make up the Walt Disney Company.”
Speaker
Alisa Cohn
Publisher
Lenny's Podcast

03 / belief

Yeah, that's the defensiveness stuff. And again, I hope you've done your homework to identify that actually that person doesn't have those skills and if there is a [inaudible 00:29:16] for example, but I do have those skills or sometimes people, I think more, even more often, they don't respond to what you just said.

“Yeah, that's the defensiveness stuff. And again, I hope you've done your homework to identify that actually that person doesn't have those skills and if there is a [inaudible 00:29:16] for example, but I do have those skills or sometimes people, I think more, even more often, they don't respond to what you just said.”
Speaker
Alisa Cohn
Publisher
Lenny's Podcast

04 / belief

I think that would be helpful for everyone to do. But certainly if you want to become a coach, I think that's essential to be able to get really beneath the surface.

“I think that would be helpful for everyone to do. But certainly if you want to become a coach, I think that's essential to be able to get really beneath the surface.”
Speaker
Alisa Cohn
Publisher
Lenny's Podcast

06 / belief

I think the sign is when, if you search your mind, you don't really know how this thing is going to come together.

“I think the sign is when, if you search your mind, you don't really know how this thing is going to come together.”
Speaker
Alisa Cohn
Publisher
Lenny's Podcast

08 / commitment

When I go into a situation at one of my client sites, often I will hear from the employees, "It feels like we have two different companies and two different cultures depending on whose team you're on.

“When I go into a situation at one of my client sites, often I will hear from the employees, "It feels like we have two different companies and two different cultures depending on whose team you're on.”
Speaker
Alisa Cohn
Publisher
Lenny's Podcast

09 / recommendation

When you, as a leader signal a lot, I care about you, I care about your feelings, I care that you're disappointed, I care about your career, you are always going to be able to help people stay resilient in the face of setbacks and ultimately, do extra work, do the right work for you and be engaged in your company because you've spent the time and energy making sure they know that even when things are not going their way, they have an ally in you.

“When you, as a leader signal a lot, I care about you, I care about your feelings, I care that you're disappointed, I care about your career, you are always going to be able to help people stay resilient in the face of setbacks and ultimately, do extra work, do the right work for you and be engaged in your company because you've spent the time and energy making sure they know that even when things are not going their way, they have an ally in you.”
Speaker
Alisa Cohn
Publisher
Lenny's Podcast

10 / prediction

Exactly right. And it turns out that according to Noam, Noam Wasserstein, 65% of startups fail because of conflict with founders or the founding team.

“Exactly right. And it turns out that according to Noam, Noam Wasserstein, 65% of startups fail because of conflict with founders or the founding team.”
Speaker
Alisa Cohn
Publisher
Lenny's Podcast

11 / preference

What I call them is sort of delicate conversations because what I think people also shy away from is just simple praise, specific praise.

“What I call them is sort of delicate conversations because what I think people also shy away from is just simple praise, specific praise.”
Speaker
Alisa Cohn
Publisher
Lenny's Podcast

12 / preference

I'd want to follow your advice if I got that. So the way you started that is what I've observed, which also is not like, "Here's what I think" or "Here's what you just need to do.

“I'd want to follow your advice if I got that. So the way you started that is what I've observed, which also is not like, "Here's what I think" or "Here's what you just need to do.”
Speaker
Lenny Rachitsky
Publisher
Lenny's Podcast

13 / preference

I think I could have had a different career." And I think that is so meaningful for all leaders and people who are responsible for other people to understand that you're uncomfortable when they start crying, of course, or they have this difficult reaction or whatever.

“I think I could have had a different career." And I think that is so meaningful for all leaders and people who are responsible for other people to understand that you're uncomfortable when they start crying, of course, or they have this difficult reaction or whatever.”
Speaker
Alisa Cohn
Publisher
Lenny's Podcast

14 / recommendation

One is, remind them why this is important to them and why you're talking about this. And then two is, if there's just emotions kind of taking over, give them a chance to like, "Let's just pause and maybe come back to this because maybe you're not in the right state right now to listen.

“One is, remind them why this is important to them and why you're talking about this. And then two is, if there's just emotions kind of taking over, give them a chance to like, "Let's just pause and maybe come back to this because maybe you're not in the right state right now to listen.”
Speaker
Lenny Rachitsky
Publisher
Lenny's Podcast

15 / recommendation

If you need to take additional classes or if you need help in any way, let me know. But ultimately, I want to get your writing to the level where everybody is appreciating what you bring to the table because the level of your writing really reflects the level of your thinking.

“If you need to take additional classes or if you need help in any way, let me know. But ultimately, I want to get your writing to the level where everybody is appreciating what you bring to the table because the level of your writing really reflects the level of your thinking.”
Speaker
Alisa Cohn
Publisher
Lenny's Podcast

16 / evaluation

I think that we forget about all the other possibilities that come out of difficult conversations and we just land on these really uncomfortable parts about like, "oh, it's going to be a lot of extra work" or like, "They're going to get uncomfortable or even maybe cry.

“I think that we forget about all the other possibilities that come out of difficult conversations and we just land on these really uncomfortable parts about like, "oh, it's going to be a lot of extra work" or like, "They're going to get uncomfortable or even maybe cry.”
Speaker
Alisa Cohn
Publisher
Lenny's Podcast

18 / recommendation

In my book and when I work with my clients, I give specific scripts and what I will regularly say when I'm working with my clients is, "Okay, so this is how I would do it," and then I'll land it for them.

“In my book and when I work with my clients, I give specific scripts and what I will regularly say when I'm working with my clients is, "Okay, so this is how I would do it," and then I'll land it for them.”
Speaker
Alisa Cohn
Publisher
Lenny's Podcast
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