Rachel Lockett: preference

Transcript context

…So she said, "Rachel is exceptional at making difficult decisions clear and making it feel possible to get these decisions actualized." Is there anything more- ... these decisions actualized. Is there anything more there for, because difficult conversations are difficult. How do we help people make them less difficult? Any tips? Yeah. Well, first of all, difficult conversations makes you want to run away. The marketing on conflict is poor, so I want to reframe that. My belief is when we feel internally ambivalent, we have two inner parts at war. And there's something really beautiful and important to pay attention to, there's something to learn, when we have ambivalence. When we are in conflict, something important is at stake. We care deeply about what we're building, about the person that's letting us down. So the reason it's hard, is because there's such an emotional component to it. And there's something to learn from it. So first, I want leaders who are listening to think, "This is hard, because I have something to learn here, and because it matters. So instead of avoiding it and running away, I'm going to lean into this moment. And I'm going to come out of it not just having solved this dynamic, and not just having said my piece, but having built a skill." The reason I focus on interpersonal dynamics is because the quality of our relationships determines the quality of our life. I really believe that. And if you cannot have conflict, you can't have healthy relationships. We are going to disagree with the people we love, or care about, or are building a business with. So first, I just want listeners to reframe ambivalence and interpersonal challenge, think of them as a growth opportunity. Second, there is always something that we're doing to contribute to the conflict, even if it feels like the other person is insane, and is driving us crazy, and we're the innocent party. So entering any conflict conversation with humility, and curiosity about the other person's experience, is critical to setting the table for a commitment to come out better and stronger. So no model, NVC or otherwise, can fix a person who's coming in rigid and full of blame. I really love the 15 Commitments to Conscious Leaders, I don't know if you know that book, but one of the concepts is about taking a hundred percent responsibility. Not being in the world of blame, being a victim, or being a hero. And I see many leaders, when they're in a challenging interpersonal conflict, being in victimhood, being in blame, or being in hero. "I'm just going to do it for them, and forget it. They're having such a hard time getting this done, I'm just going to do it." Instead, take responsibility for your part. "What is my piece in making this dynamic happen and how can I address it?" That makes me think about, Jerry Colonna was on the podcast, and he has this famous line that I've always remembered. How are you complicit in creating the conditions that you claim you don't want?…

Stored transcript either side of the excerpt. The highlighted words are the published quote; the surrounding text is unedited source, never generated.