Rachel Lockett: preference

Transcript context

…And then you not working well together is just a huge issue because that all trickles down, and everyone sees it. And when co-founders leave, it's really bad for everyone. So let me just ask you this, what have you found most helpful in helping co-founders build great relationships, stay happy and productive? Yeah, thanks for asking this. I love working with co-founders because I think your core values as a person come out when they interact with someone else's core values. Conflict, healthy conflict or otherwise, is actually where your core values come out. So it's fascinating to watch people try to do something incredibly hard in the context of someone else's vision, someone else's strengths and weaknesses and navigate that together. So there's so much energy in the co-founder dynamic for me and for co-founders themselves. It's actually something that people don't feel comfortable going to their board about or talking to that many people about because it's a private matter. It's almost like in a marriage you go see a couples' therapist, but you don't tell all your friends that you can't stand your partner, but it keeps you up at night. So it's a really tender, important relationship, and there aren't enough supports for co-founders to navigate it. It's very normal. In fact, I know you probably know this stat, 65% of startups fail because of co-founder conflict, and co-founders are in a moment where they're trying to build the future for their business, but also trying to build their own livelihood. So there's so much at stake to get along with your co-founder. I think the core at its core, what you need in a healthy relationship is, one, self-awareness. What do I bring into this dynamic, and how am I being experienced by the other person? What does this other person bring into the dynamic, and how am I reacting to that? So the first is just collective awareness about what is our dynamic. I like to use the Enneagram for this, but there's all kinds of tools, self-awareness tools that you can use to give a common language to what is my thing and what is your thing. A very classic one has to do with roles. CTOs tend to be skeptics. They love facts, they seek knowledge. They want depth of awareness and understanding, and they also like to be self-sufficient. This is a total generalization, but I've seen this pattern over and over again. The CEO is the person who had to sell the vision. They're a person who loves big picture vision strategy. They often are great at influencing others. They love to sell ahead of the reality of what the company's actually built. This creates an inherent tension between blind optimism and skepticism, and it's a dance that these two roles play together. So the first part is knowing the dance you're in, so you're not just stepping on each other's toes blindly. The second step is actually being conscious about the commitment you're making to your relationship. In a marriage, for example, I talk about co-founder vows and recommitments and renewals because in a marriage you get married, and a lot of times people build a family and then they think, "Oh, the relationship will just continue around each other all the time. We're doing this thing together." in a marriage you get married, and a lot of times people build a family and then they think, "Oh, the relationship will just continue around each other all the time. We're doing this thing together." But just like couples need a date night, co-founders need time and space to connect with each other to come together and say, "How's this working for you? Are we still aligned on our vision and our strategy? How are we working together? What am I doing that's pissing you off? What are the things that have gone unsaid and that we need to talk about?" But if you're just in the hustle and bustle of running and scaling your startup, you don't make time for that conversation. So I think it's incredibly important for co- founders to make space for their relationship, whether that's a dinner every other week, whether that's going out to lunch regularly, whether that's just touching base business-wise, but having an in-person quarterly check-in. That space is critical for the health of a co-founder relationship.…

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