Kenneth Berger: preference

Transcript context

…What are just some challenges that people have in their life and career that are just rooted in doing this badly? Not asking for what you want, not knowing what you want. For me with clients, I think what I'm often looking for are just kind of this sense of being stuck because everybody has got frustrations. Everybody gets nervous at work sometimes. But if we're in the same stuck place week after week after week in our coaching sessions, probably you're trying the same thing and not getting any different results. It's that definition of insanity thing. So really I look at that and say, "Okay. Maybe you're asking for what you want." Maybe. Although often people aren't. But even if you are, you're probably not achieving it. You're not getting the results that you want. So why are we not learning from that? Why are we not moving forward getting new data, trying something new, actually treating it as a sort of iterative development discovery process? So I think that stuckness is one thing. And I think the other thing I look for is interpersonal conflict, right? Because I think that one mode of not asking for what you want well is holding back and not really saying it out loud. I think another really common mode is coming with a lot of entitlement of, "You know what? You better do what I say. I'm your boss. You're my report. You better obey or agree," or whatever it is. And of course the danger of that is interpersonal conflict. Even if you are their boss, that's a really disrespectful way to come into the conversation and it's an obvious source for a lot of issues. Before we get into how to learn to do this better and more of why this is so important, is there an example from your career where you did this really badly or you didn't ask what you want?…

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