Lenny Rachitsky: uncertainty

Transcript context

…Yeah. And then one thing I'll say, too, by the way, it's harder to get feedback on the EQ stuff, and that's also why it's harder to develop and why a lot of people reach terminal levels in product, because people are like, "Oh, they lack emotional intelligence." They say that in calibration rooms but not in your face, so that's also what you want when you hear feedback. You don't want just to like, "Hey, here's my piece of feedback that I can prove." You also want the part that is like, "Here's how you make me feel or how you come across that... If this is taken out of context, it won't be good for... I don't want this to be shared publicly or taken out of context, but I want you to know." And it could be things like, "Hey, when I talk to you, sometimes I feel like, I don't know, you're angry." And then I'm like, "Oh, really? In what scenario?" And then it's like, "Oh, I was so focused and listening to you intently that I could see now why I come across that way." But you could literally go your whole career and then nobody ever says these things, right? And that's the kind of feedback that I personally find most helpful is the subjective feedback, because nobody will tell me those things. Once somebody I trust tell me and I'm like... Oh, here's an example. I mentioned earlier I'm good at asking questions. I had somebody ask like, "Tell me. Hey, sometimes when you ask questions, you sound more junior." And I was like, "Huh." And then I can see that because I asked the question plainly like, "Hey, why did you do this or how did you that," instead of also saying where I'm coming from, "Hey, I noticed this blah, blah, why, blah?" You know what I'm saying? Instead of showing I have an understanding of the thing and then asking a follow-up question, I just ask the question bluntly without context and people feel like, "Hey, I'm asking a very basic question." So, that's the kind of feedback that I particularly value. The feedback you're getting is pretty incredible, like the stuff you shared about someone saying you come across as angry in a meeting if you ask questions or you sound a junior. I don't know if I've ever gotten anyone to give me that brutally honest feedback. When those specific cases, what was it about these people that helped them give you this feedback? Is that what you talked about, you built trust with them over the years or is there something you did to get that kind of feedback? I mean, it's definitely they trusted me and they cared about me. They trust that if they tell me the feedback without translating, that I would see the intent behind it. And they were able to do that, because after months and years of working together, they know how to respond to feedback. Because what happens is most people, when you have to get feedback, you kind of have to really do a lot of translation work so that it lands, "I don't want to hurt your feeling. I don't want you to take this." I just told people, "You don't have to that with me." That's one. And then the other thing, too, is people reciprocate also how you talk. I'm not saying I talk to people like this, but I try to be vulnerable with people so they know we can be vulnerable and things are safe like, "I really want to hear things the way you experience it."…

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