Lex Fridman: evaluation

Transcript context

…I appreciate you’re saying that I was very stoic about it. I think I feel things pretty deeply. So initially some of that really took me off guard, like some of the derivative love and hatred, some of the intensity of the attacks. And there were times when it was so easy to counter it. I’d even write something out and say, “Well, I’m going to press send,” and never did. I felt that sort of getting into the mud, fighting back, it didn’t run true to who I am as a human being. It felt at odds with who I am and how I want to spend my time. So I think as a result, I was oftentimes on the receiving end of a lot of cheap shots. And I’m okay with that because it’s sort of the way I know how to be in the world. I was focused on things I thought mattered more. And I think part of me also internalized, there’s a concept in Judaism called Lashon hara, which is translated into I think quite literally evil speech. And the idea that speaking poorly of another is almost the moral equivalent to murder because you can’t really repair it. You can apologize, but you can’t repair it. Another component of that is that it does as much damage to the person saying the words than it does to the person receiving them. And I think about that a lot. I talk about this concept with my kids a lot, and I’m not willing to pay the price of that fleeting and momentary satisfaction of sort of swinging back because I think it would be too expensive for my soul. And that’s how I made peace with it, because I think that feels more true for me. But it is a little bit contrary in politics. It’s definitely a contrarian viewpoint to not get into the fray. Actually, some day, I love Dolly Parton says that she doesn’t condemn or criticize. She loves and accepts. And I like that. It feels right for me. I also like that you said that words have power. Sometimes people say, “Well, words, when you speak negatively of others, ah, that’s just words.” But I think there’s a cost to that. There’s a cost, like you said, to your soul, and there’s a cost in terms of the damage it can do to the other person, whether it’s to their reputation publicly or to them privately. It just as a human being psychologically. And in the place that it puts them because they they start thinking negatively in general and then maybe they respond and there’s this vicious downward spiral that happens, that almost like we don’t intend to, but it destroys everybody in the process. You quoted Alan Watts, I love him, in saying, “You’re under no obligation to be the same person you were five minutes ago.” So how have the years in DC and the years after changed you? I love Alan Watts too. I listen to his lecture sometimes falling asleep and on planes. He’s got the most soothing voice. But I love what he said about you have no obligation to be who you were five minutes ago, because we should always feel that we have the ability to evolve and grow and better ourselves. I think further than that, if we don’t look back on who we were a few years ago with some level of embarrassment, we’re not growing enough. So there’s nothing. When I look back, I’m like, oh, I feel like that feeling is because you’re growing into hopefully sort of a better version of yourself. And I hope and feel that that’s been true for me as well. I think the person I am today, we spoke in the beginning of our discussion about some of my earliest ambitions in real estate and in fashion, and those were amazing adventures and incredible experiences in government. And I feel today that all of those ambitions are more fully integrated into me as a human being. I’m much more comfortable with the various pieces of my personality and that any professional drive is more integrated into more simple pleasures. Everything for me has gotten much simpler and easier in terms of what I want to do and what I want to be. And I think that’s where my kids have been my teachers just being fully present and enjoying the little moments. And it doesn’t mean I’m any less driven than I was before. It’s just more a part of me than being sort of the all-consuming energy one has in their 20s.…

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