Anneka Gupta: commitment

Transcript context

…Awesome. Okay, and then we were going to shift to what you've learned about giving hard feedback so that someone actually listens and doesn't just put up a shield and like, "It's not real." So I think in giving feedback, you can never fully control how someone else is going to respond to that feedback. All you can control is what you do, your body language and what you say. What I have found is that if I can convey, and I will say this very directly to people, I care so much about you and I'm giving you this feedback because I want you to be successful and I want you to be able to reach the pinnacle of what I know you can accomplish. And you do all of that setup and you don't just hope that they understand that, you actually explicitly say that and you show that in your body language, then it makes the other person much more receptive to hearing whatever you have to say. Then I think the other piece is that you've got to be direct. The worst feedback is the kind of passive-aggressive feedback versus saying directly this is what you are doing or this is how you are being perceived in the organization, and here are the three things that you can do to change the way you're being perceived or to change the outcomes of what you're driving or become more strategic or whatever it is that I'm trying to give feedback on. I do a lot of prep before I give someone a lot of feedback. I really think about how can I frame this in a way that's going to resonate with them that doesn't come across as attacking them, but helps them understand why what they're doing isn't working or is being perceived poorly? And try to give them examples and even examples that I've personally had to go through myself of how I've approached those situations. And let them ask questions and brainstorm with them, be part of the solution versus saying like, "Here's all this feedback, now you go figure out what to do with it." This reminds me of Radical Candor. Basically make people feel like you care deeply about them, but be very direct about what they can be doing better. Are there phrases or ways that you set up the conversation? You mentioned a few of just like, "I want to help you become the best version of who you could be and what you're capable of." Is there any phrases you find helpful that you come back to often of just a way to start the conversation?…

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