Lex Fridman: belief

Transcript context

…It’s objectively better to have… I would say that there’s no universe that exists or there should be no argument possible that exists that a guy who has meaningless sex has a better or a more meaningful life than, say, me and my wife who’ve been together for 15 years. We have a very… I can depend on her in all circumstances. Whereas if you live that other life, it sure could be… It could feel great, but there’s no meaning to it. There’s no actual real value to it. That’s absolutely correct. I do think that getting laid can have a tremendous positive impact on the confidence of a young man. I think just there’s a certain number of sexual partners from which you can collect a lot of data and it can free you about, like not to be so nervous about the opposite sex, not to be so nervous about human interaction. And that will allow you to see the world more clearly and to actually find that one partner with whom you can be deeply intimate with. Sometimes the nervousness around this societally constructed value in getting laid can cloud your judgment. And if you just release that by getting laid a bunch of times, then you could see the world clearly that getting laid is not nearly as important as you said, as finding the right human, including I should put in that pile, not just a romantic partner, but friendships, deep lasting friendships. Well, I mean I think you’re right that our society puts a lot of emphasis on getting laid. And I’m sure that’s true among any group of males throughout any point in history. I’m sure that’s a very common joke that’s never actually never stopped at any point. So I’m sure that exists but… And there’s probably some truth to the sense that after you’ve… Who was it? Jim Carrey. “I hope that everyone can get rich so they realize that money solves none of your problems.” The realization that this thing that society told you is hyper important is actually not the important part. It is a very important… It’s a great sign that your relationship is healthy. Like if me and my wife were to have no sex at all for months on end, something’s gone wrong, which means what… we are no longer on the same plane. But it’s not also a good identifier. Just because you’re having a lot of sex, it doesn’t mean you’re having a good relationship. And so it’s like a unique… I forget the right term here, but it’s a unique way at looking at the problems. And our society puts so much emphasis. And maybe that’s why porn was so hard to quit, but my guess is it’s just all the dopamine effect that it is. But for me, the most important part and the thing that actually has real reward is having that… having just my wife. I do not look at… I desperately try not to look at any other woman. I’m hopefully not going to get caught… Mark Zuckerberged at the White House like that. I don’t look at porn. My wife has complete confidence in me that there is not going to be a situation in which she has to question me in any kind of sense. And that builds a much more deeply, I would argue, a very deep relationship because the trust is that much bigger. I think the deepness of the relationship is probably proportional to the trust you have in each other. It’s very hard to have a deep relationship with no trust.…

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