Lenny Rachitsky: prediction

Transcript context

…Right. It connects to something else. You and I talked about one of the biggest gifts I think people get out of taking Touchy Feely or going through the Leaders in Tech program or even reading the book is that they learn that they hold some mental models, some beliefs and assumptions. If I do this, that will happen, or if I don't do this, this will happen. And those are beliefs and assumptions that we develop very early in our careers like I did. Whatever you do, you leave your feelings in the parking lot. And it served me really well initially. If I'd burst out crying two months into the job, I'd have never ended up running a $50 million region and then it over served me, and then it cost me because I never had a reason to update it. Because I never realized I was paying a cost for continuing to hold that belief that drove my behaviors. And mental models, then we developed them very early and they're grooved and we need new experiences in order to even believe that they're maybe subject to testing. Gee, I will forever be grateful to this fellow who said, "Oh my God, are you human after all?" I was like, how did this ever happen that I became seen as not human? Again, we go back to some of the stuff we talked about earlier, which is that leaders, if a leader doesn't show up with a willingness to update their mental models and their beliefs, they're certainly not going to inspire anybody else to do that. I'm glad you got here because this is exactly where I was going to go next, is this mental model challenge we run into where we develop these mental models early on and then they end up hurting us later in life. Are there common mental models people have that hurt them as they grow? Or is it very particular independent on people's experience? I mean, there are some that are pretty tried and true. I mean, the first one is, if I tell you more about me, you'll take advantage of me. Or if I am vulnerable with you or disclosing, you'll think I'm weak. And inevitably, somebody has had a time in their life where that has been true, and maybe it was true a lot, but then they decide that's the only outcome that's ever possible as opposed to part of growing up and becoming more mature is differentiating and being more discretionary in who we open up to and how we open up to them. It's like I have a colleague who often says, we have to think about these things as dials, not switches. It's not an all or I don't tell you everything or nothing. I don't share every single feeling I've got or none. It's a dial and you move it at 15% rate. Another mental model people hold, and this becomes a huge learning for people who go through our programs, is people think if I give you feedback, it's going to ruin the relationship. It's going to weaken the relationship. Whoa, that's really common. Even though everybody's always wanting, I want more feedback, I want to know how it can be better, but everybody believes that giving feedback is going to create a problem. And that's because most people have in fact been on the receiving end of feedback poorly given or they've given feedback in a not very good way. They've stepped in piles of doodoo, yes. And it does not mean feedback ruins relationships. It means feedback the way you've always seen it done or done. It ruins relationships pretty important. And then one of the things that we arm people with, I think one of the most powerful pieces of learning that people get is learning how to give feedback in a way that is going to build relationships as opposed to, and it's going to build a relationship. If you see that my reason for wanting to give it to you is that I'm invested in you and in us it's similarly, we hold mental models about expressing what we call pinches, which are just those little things that people do. Then we're just like, eh, I'm not going to make a big deal out of it. I'm not going to say anything, but mental model is, eh, it's a small thing. The problem is, if I'm doing something that's mildly irritating and you don't tell me, then what am I going to do?…

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