Arthur Brooks: preference

Transcript context

…There’s plenty of young people who are not addicts in major ways, and it seems they still don’t listen very carefully. They would just be happier. I don’t think it takes four years of sacrifice to be happier, given some of the other things you say, and they still don’t do it. What’s your deepest account of why they don’t do it? Yes. Part of it is that I think that people are quite resistant to take advice from the people who are most likely to give it to them. That’s the credibility of the source and the relationship to the source. People ask me all the time, Tyler, “How do I get my teenage kids to take your advice on device use?” Which is classically one of the best ways that you can help teenagers to live happier, better lives, to be less lonely, to be less depressed, to be less anxious. They’re not going to throw their phones into the ocean, but at least to have serious protocols around their device use where they have more time in person and outside, and all the stuff that Jon Haidt talks about, but we’ve all talked about where the data, I think, are manifestly clear. They say they’re not going to listen to me on this. This is one of the ways that I recommend to parents that they have to do two things so that teenagers are more likely to take their advice. Number one is you got to model the behavior, not talk about it. You and I are both dads. You and I have both raised kids. What do you do? What should you tell them? The answer is it doesn’t matter. What matters is what they see you doing. The number one predictor of your kids using their phones around the dinner table is you using your phone around the dinner table. The second is that appealing to an outside authority is sometimes really useful. One of the reasons I write my books is because I want people to recommend them to people that they love and to say, “I just read this book by some nerd at Harvard named Arthur. What a nerdy name. I thought it was maybe interesting, but I’m not sure. Would you read it and tell me what you think?” and have it become a matter of family discussion. That becomes a better way to do it as well, as opposed to wagging your finger at your kid and saying, “Do this thing.” I think that’s generally pretty ineffective. Where does curiosity fit into your framework? Say it’s late at night, a basketball game just finished, and I decide to go to ESPN to check the score. I’m pretty sure it doesn’t make me happier. There’s even something zero-sum about it. Your team might lose. It’s unlikely it adds to the meaning of my life, but I can say I just want to know. Is that something you should want to talk me out of?…

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